i cried for the first time in about five months... and i think for the first time in years, though the tears were few, it was actually worth crying over. God had been trying to get through my incredibly thick skull all day...
it began this morning when i finished reading 2 Corinthians, and i came across several impacting verses:
For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me. And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:6-10)
throughout the rest of the day these words from a great song played through my head "...for strength begins when I trust in Him and I finally surrender all... In my weakness, He is strong; in His grace, I can press on... When I finally give in and turn to Him, then His strength can begin..." so i posted some of those words on facebook, yet the message had still not fully penetrated my being... then i read a dear friends blog, and what do you know? she also made reference to His strength only being shown in her weakness...
message still not through my nigh impervious skull. why was this message not getting through? possibly because i hadn't fully come to grips with just how weak i was.
finally, i lay in bed. i could not fall asleep, even though i knew i desperately needed it. then the thoughts began... i need to sleep but i can't. i need to live healthier, but i don't. i need to read more, but i can't find time. augh, i need to be better with my time! i need to give more of my time to God. oh, i need to find apartments Cleveland. and i need to pack for my trip tomorrow... and my trip next week. i need to sleep or i won't wake up on time for work. i need to work on being on time. i need to start packing my room. i need to spend time with my family and friends before i leave. i need to make arrangements for my drive across country. etc... then why is it that i know where i need to be in every area of life, and yet every area is lacking... and when i finally get one area down, another area suffers. it's impossible to be a spiritually sound, healthy, social, organized writer/reader/runner/friend/teacher/barista all at the same time... I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!
finally.
"...when i finally give in and turn to Him, then His strength can begin..."
that's when i cried... a tear came with broken pride. i had tried so hard to appear "put together" and here my silly little world was caving in. i opened my Bible and reread 2 Corinthians 12. i was right, i couldn't do it all. what i could do though, was surrender it all to Him, and He could work through it accordingly... after all, is it not God moving me to Cleveland? is it not God who gave me the desire to read and write? is it not God who desires me to be a healthy, balanced woman of God. is it not God who wants me too seek Him in everything?
tomorrow, i will carry on with my "put together" look. this time not because i have it all under control (i most certainly do not), but because He does, and i have nothing to fear when my life is in His mighty hands. john wesley once said, "i have so much to do that i must spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it." i believe as long as i seek Him daily and surrender my hours to Him, He will guide me to accomplish exactly what i need to accomplish that day.
that song later says, "His power I see is real in me, when weakness fills my life."
will you surrender your day to Him as well? will you find His strength in your weakness?
it began this morning when i finished reading 2 Corinthians, and i came across several impacting verses:
For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me. And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:6-10)
throughout the rest of the day these words from a great song played through my head "...for strength begins when I trust in Him and I finally surrender all... In my weakness, He is strong; in His grace, I can press on... When I finally give in and turn to Him, then His strength can begin..." so i posted some of those words on facebook, yet the message had still not fully penetrated my being... then i read a dear friends blog, and what do you know? she also made reference to His strength only being shown in her weakness...
message still not through my nigh impervious skull. why was this message not getting through? possibly because i hadn't fully come to grips with just how weak i was.
finally, i lay in bed. i could not fall asleep, even though i knew i desperately needed it. then the thoughts began... i need to sleep but i can't. i need to live healthier, but i don't. i need to read more, but i can't find time. augh, i need to be better with my time! i need to give more of my time to God. oh, i need to find apartments Cleveland. and i need to pack for my trip tomorrow... and my trip next week. i need to sleep or i won't wake up on time for work. i need to work on being on time. i need to start packing my room. i need to spend time with my family and friends before i leave. i need to make arrangements for my drive across country. etc... then why is it that i know where i need to be in every area of life, and yet every area is lacking... and when i finally get one area down, another area suffers. it's impossible to be a spiritually sound, healthy, social, organized writer/reader/runner/friend/teacher/barista all at the same time... I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!
finally.
"...when i finally give in and turn to Him, then His strength can begin..."
that's when i cried... a tear came with broken pride. i had tried so hard to appear "put together" and here my silly little world was caving in. i opened my Bible and reread 2 Corinthians 12. i was right, i couldn't do it all. what i could do though, was surrender it all to Him, and He could work through it accordingly... after all, is it not God moving me to Cleveland? is it not God who gave me the desire to read and write? is it not God who desires me to be a healthy, balanced woman of God. is it not God who wants me too seek Him in everything?
tomorrow, i will carry on with my "put together" look. this time not because i have it all under control (i most certainly do not), but because He does, and i have nothing to fear when my life is in His mighty hands. john wesley once said, "i have so much to do that i must spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it." i believe as long as i seek Him daily and surrender my hours to Him, He will guide me to accomplish exactly what i need to accomplish that day.
that song later says, "His power I see is real in me, when weakness fills my life."
will you surrender your day to Him as well? will you find His strength in your weakness?
Please write more! :-)