fall down seven times, stand up eight.

my original title to this post was "i fail." because i do fail, but i intend to learn from my failures.

my new title for this post is actually a japanese proverb, however its principle can originally be found within the book of Proverbs. it is, in fact, a Biblical principle. Proverbs 24:16 says, "for a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again..."

i personally love this verse. it gives me hope for the times that i "mess up"... which happens with greater frequency than i would like. with every time that i stand up again, i continue to fight the spiritual battle that all Christians are fighting... flesh vs. Spirit. it is in the minute that i decide to stop fighting, to stop getting back up... that i have truly failed.

i don't want my look back on my life and realized that i stopped trying. this challenge is given in the Scriptures...

"but thou, o man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses." - 1 Timothy 6:11-12

happy giving.

“God loveth a cheerful giver.”

i was reading 2 corinthians 9 today, and when i got to this verse, i stopped. usually i quickly skim by it with a mindset of yeah, yeah... give my tithes and offerings with a willing, happy heart... no problem! but today i really thought about the verse and decided to apply it on a deeper level. here are my thoughts.

first of all, i grew up in a Christian home, so giving money to the work of the Lord has never been a struggle. if my parents gave me a dollar, then i gave a dime to Jesus. if grandma sent me ten dollars for my birthday, one dollar went into the offering plate. i didn’t do it because i was forced and i never wondered why God wanted my money... i just knew that giving was another way of showing my love for God and trusting that He would provide for all my needs... and He does... for every need and even for wants.

maybe you didn’t grow up as i did. maybe giving is a struggle for you. if so, please let me tell you that it is worth it. first of all, knowing you had a part in something great -  the work of the Lord - i have always seen it as such a privilege. secondly, just proving God is an awesome experience. when you give by faith and see the Lord provide in ways you did not expect, He becomes so real!  

also today in my thinking, i realized that there is more of me to give then just of my finances. i think these are the areas i struggle with giving... areas like time and my talents. i selfishly schedule my time. i want time to read, to play the piano, to write, to run, to talk on the phone, etc... i still use my time for work, church, devotions, school, etc... but anything outside of my regular schedule i often consider unwelcome. it really is terrible. 

and when it comes to my “talents” though they be few... i tend to hoard. for example, i can play the piano, but i only like to play it for myself. i don’t like to play for others, and i especially don’t want to play for congregations. i used to see writing in the same way. i wrote for myself alone. this has changed somewhat as of late... i want what i write to be glorifying to God as well as to challenge or inspire others. 

ok, here comes my revelation... i realized my perspective on all of these things... my time, my treasures, my talents... was completely wrong! none of it is mine! it is His time, His treasures, and His talents! paradigm shift. now when i see that all these things are not my own, i have no problem giving of them with a cheerful heart! if the Lord wants me to give of the time He has given me i can happily give of it since it was never mine to begin with. and if the Lord wants me to play the piano for a church service or to proofread something for the church, i have no problem in doing so because i realize that the Lord has blessed me with the ability to play the piano and with the ability to spot grammatical errors quickly... haha.

now i know i am not perfect... and i am sure you are not either... there will be times when we will become selfish. but the prayer for my life is that the Lord will remind me that nothing is my own, it is His, and i am blessed. and when reminded, i will remember to give with a happy heart!

live love.

i have had an epiphany... i think... let me look up that word...

haha! this is what my mac dictionary told me...

• Epiphany (wrestler), a female professional wrestler.
• Epiphany (holiday), a Christian holiday on January 6 celebrating the visit of the Magi to the infant Jesus
• Epiphany (feeling), the sudden realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something

i pick number three... anyway... so yes, i had a sudden realization of something... well i think i already knew it subconsciously... but now it's clear to me!

i generally am a very health conscious person... i haven't had a soda in years, i almost never eat fast food (not counting subway), i don't care for most desserts, etc... anyway i do have a few things that i know are not good for me, but i love them... like jalapeno poppers, chili cheese fries, orange sherbert, and dark chocolate (although i heard that this can be good for you)... anyway, i have been doing a really good job lately of eating well... tons of water, fruits and veggies, whole grains, etc... and even though i occasionally craved those unhealthy things, i resisted... until yesterday.

yesterday i convinced myself that it would be ok to have those and if anything it would just satisfy my craving and then i would go on eating all those good things... so i basically binged... and guess what? craving so not satisfied! i want those horrible things even more now! 

also... i have been so good with my time... i work, i read, i work out, i get ready for the next day, sleep, and then do it all over again... well on the same day that i binged, i wasted my time by sleeping in and watching tv for entirely way too long! so guess what i wanted to do today? the same thing! i didn't... but it was so hard.

i think this is a lot like sin. it's pleasure for a season, but you keep wanting more... and you keep indulging... and the long-term results of indulging are no good! 

so resist. 

Jesus said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments."

in romans 12:9, the Bible says, "let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good." dissimulation means hypocrisy. something fake. 

is your love for God real? then keep His commandments. it's that simple. hate evil. love good. and yet it's a struggle... at least for me it is... does it mean every time i fail i don't love God? no. i'm a work in progress. i find this verse very encouraging to me: "being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ." 

live love.

♫ ...you are loved... ♫

i love this song... i heard it one day randomly on my iphone... i have over 2,000 songs so it seems i hear something new every day. anyway, when i heard it, i just stopped whatever it was i was doing and just listened. then when it finished, i started it over... i have listened to it many times since... 

i don't know how many people are like me, but i feel like i am constantly failing in the Christian life. i keep waiting for God to take His mighty hand and flick me off the planet. He has no intention of doing so though! He loves me! despite my selfishness. despite my foolishness. despite my pride. despite my lack of trust. He loves me unconditionally. that very thought leaves me in awe! 

here is the song:

have you ever felt the Father’s love

as He holds you in His arms?

when you start to say I’m sorry

He says you’ve done nothing wrong.

have you failed to meet the standards

that you thought you should attain? 

only to hear Him call your name, saying

you are loved beyond your failures.

you are loved beyond your past.

the hope that you’ve imagined is now reality at last.

you are loved with no conditions.

you are loved with no remorse.

the scars of your forgiveness are engraved upon the Lord.

you are loved.

have you seen your life be torn apart

by things you could not help

until you finally reach the point

where you could only blame yourself?

have you laid your head to sleep

and think you’ll always be alone

then waken to His voice calling you home?

He says you are loved beyond your failures

you are loved beyond your past

the hope that you’ve imagined is now reality at last

you are loved with no conditions

you are loved with no remorse

the scars of your forgiveness are engraved upon the Lord

you are loved.

"he being dead yet speaketh"

this phrase comes from Hebrews 11, and it refers to Abel’s faithfulness in his sacrificial obedience. i think the same could be said of many men and women, whose faithfulness still inspires us yet today. 

one of those faithful men and women whose life continues to inspire me, though she has been dead for over 50 years, is amy carmichael. 

she first made her impact when i was only a little girl. the story was told of a little girl who had brown eyes and desperately wanted them to be blue. she would pray and ask God to change her eyes to blue. however, when she grew up she realized that God had purposefully given her brown eyes so that she was able to gain acceptance from the indian people. the people God had called her to reach. 

then, as a teenager, i read the book If. it was inspiring. it was convicting. it was life-changing. i continue to re-read that book on a regular basis.

now, i am reading the book A Chance to Die: the Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael. it is truly captivating, and even in some ways i can relate. here is just a silly example, but it made me laugh. 

• When told how exceedingly naughty she was, Amy used to think, ‘If only you knew how much naughtier i could be, you wouldn’t think I’m naughty at all.’

yes, that was something i would definitely think as a young person. actually, i think i may have even said something like it once. only once though, the results were enough to teach me to bite my tongue and keep my thoughts to myself!

anyway, i shall continue to read and probably share more thoughts as i progress. my overall point to this post is that the life of amy carmichael still continues to influence people around the world. though she is dead her legacy still speaks. will that be said of me one day? 

will it be said of you?

God is really smart!

"life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward."

i think the same goes for God's will. we have to follow blindly, but when we look back we are able to understand just what exactly God was doing.

in conversation today, i was reminded of how brilliant God is. i believe that God has made each person specifically for His perfect will... He has a destiny for each of us. i am amazed to see how every circumstance, every trial, and even personality traits are perfectly designed to complete His plan.

for instance, before i moved away, my mom pulled me aside and shared her heart. she told me how much she was going to miss me, but that she was excited to see what God has planned. she told me that as much as she wanted me to stay forever she had always known that i was "born to leave."

i asked her what exactly she meant. she told me that ever since i was little, i was the very independent child. as a baby, i didn't like to be held. as a toddler, i did my own thing. as a young kid, i would try new things and explore, and in 4th grade, i surrendered to the mission field. my mom said that when i came home from summer camp and told her my decision, it didn't surprise her one bit. she said she knew that it was exactly what God had in mind for me.

as a teenager i began to question whether or not i was truly called to the mission field. i was still surrendered to ministry, but i just didn't know what exactly. even then my mom would remind me of my 4th grade decision and tell me that she knew God would still lead me there one day. finally in my second year of college, through a series of events God grabbed my attention again. i knew that one day God would take me overseas. when i told my mom about how i really had the desire to teach english in a foreign country, she just smiled and said she has known it since i was in fourth grade.

anyway... God has put me in Las Vegas. for now. and for now, i am trusting Him. step by step. i don't know what He has next for me, but i'm loving every moment now and looking forward to seeing what God has for me!

the end.

p.s. my "room-mates" keep referring to me as a health nut! haha

thoughts on the road...

some things I have thought while on my random adventure...

1. God is real... i see it in His creation around me.
2. i do not know where exactly i am
3. there are still nice people in this world
4. i love coffee!
5. i enjoy driving with my air on AND windows down
6. it's a blessing to meet other Christians and know that church still works!
7. eating at a restaurant by yourself is boring
8. i do not understand guys
9. none of the papers in vegas have the "love is..." comic
10. you can find great deals at the most random shops!

anyway i'm gonna go back to driving...